My notebook from standard four

I still remember those restless times
and those when everything around me relaxed
but this evidence of my first admiration
this cant be real , this isn't hallucination
after thirteen years i am holding again
and in heavens name i cant believe
in this, her serene smile i store
i found my notebook from standard four


that perfect silhouette
let me check if i could get,
drawn on last page in black and grey
that's exactly where my memories stray
yes its still here, and she's the same
goat mam ya that was her name
now what can i ask more
i found my notebook from standard four


she was my angel from the promised land
i remember the first time she touched my hand
promise it wasn't the fools day
and i still cherish those memories in my own way
i loved watching her page after page
i wish it was my self abusing age
anyways its like an ancient lore
i found my notebook from standard four


year 1996 and age of ten, i admit plum
i could n even reach above her bosom
even if i stood on the table
with my friends i never shared this fable
wish i told her about my infatuation
and now in final year of my graduation
i can still see her in the colorless apparel she wore
because , i have found my notebook from standard four................

As Thou Thinketh!!!

Right or Wrong ? Good or Bad ? True or False ? These simple yet quite thoughtful questions often surround us every minute we think of something.But,is there any proper method to decide which option will be best. For me its an obvious "NO" . Depending on a given situation my decision might differ from that as it might had been, had i be at some other place , in some other time or may be completely different person .

Since birth we all have a tendency of making decisions depending upon the people or the consequences which will directly result from our just a simple "YES" or "NO".I still remember those days of adolescence when my dad used to tell me " no beta ! this isn't the right time to do it " or my mom occasionally yelling at me " that's no way to talk to your younger sister " . At that time i couldn't make out why its wrong for me when my friends and my cousins can do it. I just used to hold myself thinking why am i not allowed whats right or wrong for me. After all i am sensible and big enough now.Now after twenty one years of my quest to understand this irony of situation, I have finally reached a conclusion that nothing is Right or Wrong. Nothing is Good or Bad. But the other way round, for every good there exists something bad.whenever you realize something is correct , in no time you will also find something incorrect related to it. quite confusing isn't it It's ought to be confusing.Nothing is universally correct , good , true or any other positive adjective you can think of at this time.

So as long as we have different ways of thinking this act of vacillation will be present throughout. "ITS ALL WHAT YOU THINK THAT MATTERS"

Afraid This Time

i never did , i never did
i never told you,i am sorry
but u never asked
i loved ,and still love
may be more than i ever had

just hold my hand
its no good saying it,
i wanna make you understand
that voice, mocks the heaven's bell
and those eyes,hold me from hell.

I had honored you,
but my angel I had loved.
save me from doing this crime
sorry dear, but am afraid this time....


If you can count my pain,
you will definitely see
In my own skin I could feel
the effects of this fate
and I taste them with my soul

with her,rises of a scent of mirth
only her memory am holding since birth,
wish i don't hurt you,
yes, you got it right,
sorry dear, but am afraid this time....


In this fair city for first time,
whose visions flash so bright
waiting with burning impatience
hmm,she loves roses,but only white.

By whom my hopes are fed
and her love still in my head
running out of words
let my love mime,
sorry dear,but am afraid this time.

Mr dont give a fuck

my words always stab me right in the head
you wont get them else youll be in mess
but you can if you were a fag or a lil less
trying to explain you the best
take the pain my hands address
i cant make out the reasons
for cold sweat down your spine
the uninvited december rain
or is it the fear of being divine
am not a shirt lifter not a sapphic either
call me mr dont give a fuck
i know you gonna do that neither
i dont write even a word
but each time its gettin more absurd
whisper softly the shit you've got
thats gonna give me so much composure
hey wait ,why am i not getting any closer
well this fucking thing needs to get over
ok i am done, i already came twice
now,its your turn,be wise
read the warning about the parental advice.

warning: explicit content parental discretion is advised

for you my angel....

Like a thunderstorm on a summer day
She came out of nowhere and I can say
She´s a supernova shinin´ through the night
A never sleeping satellite

She´s a damn good reason for the sun to rise
When you see her smile in the morning light
When she cries, she cries a wishing well
Plays hide and seek with the hounds of hell

She throws you down to take you high
Into her private sky

She´s so
Beautiful beautiful beautiful beautiful beautiful
Beautiful beautiful beautiful beautiful beautiful
Magical, mystical, irresistible, cosmical
A wonderful overkill and most of all beautiful
Ooooh ooh ooh I have ooh ooh ooh
She´s so oooh ooh ooh
I have ooh ooh ooh
Beautiful
mmh so beautiful

You wanna call her name from the highest hill
And she´s better than a 5-million-dollar bill
She swims with you to Atlantis´ coast
To keep you safe while the world explodes

She´s diving down to keep you high
Inside her velvet sky

She´s so
Beautiful beautiful beautiful beautiful beautiful
Beautiful beautiful beautiful beautiful beautiful
Magical, mystical, irresistible, cosmical
A wonderful overkill and most of all beautiful
Ooooh ooh ooh
She´s so beautiful
She´s so oooh ooh ooh
I have ooh ooh ooh
Beautiful

She´s a mermaid who´s left her fairytale
She wrote the brand new song for the nightingale
Sometimes I think she´s invented but
Thank God she´s made of flesh and blood.

She´s everything I´ve ever missed the more
But most of all she is

Beautiful beautiful beautiful beautiful beautiful
Beautiful wonderful powerful magical mystical
Irresistible overkill and most of all beau-ti-ful
Ooooh ooh ooh
She´s so beautiful
She´s so oooh ooh ooh
I love her, her, her

this is an original song by : PATRICK NUO
and by chance it happens to be one of my favorite songs


I love you angel......

jus, a thot

I still see your face in my dreams It hurts and it doesn't help at all I still want you in my life as crazy as that seems I want you to catch me when I fall I still remember the first time we met There was something so different about you Your friendship was something I wanted to get That smile when you said hi to me was so new Out of no where you called me on the phone I wanted to sit there and talk to you forever You were so new, so crazy and unknown I just knew that our friendship would never sever Two years and we are barely holding it together What happened to the way this all used to be I never wanted you out of my life ever I sat there for a long time pretending not to see We decided to go out and make it all all right It didn't work out ,of course we knew it couldn't We couldn't even really stand each others sight It shouldn't end this way but it did and I shouldn't I miss you and everything you were to me Ten years from now we will look back on it all We will be older and finally be able to see That friendship will stand the test of time and never fall

Jas

tired of running

I am steady here,livin it out

dont know what i wanna know

aint getting any closer

no matter how far i go.

cant go back and remove the past

dont know which day will be the last

just ahead i can see the dead end

yet i have to move with the bend.

all my processes have slipped away

everything s making me freak,

i am tired and i am weak

but am trying not to get blown away

holding it on,may be one more try its okay.

seems these days nobody's got brains

stop fucking these are serious games

histories and mysteries both fuck me now

oh please stop robbing me

i am tired of running.

where i am and where i used to be

can you tell by taking a look at me

is that making u feel bigger anyway

i know i could have changed many things

but i aint gonna wake up this morning

i am tired of running.

nothing can stop me now

am living with none to rely on

thats the way its ought to be

go outside and envy

but this time u gotta be on ur own

coz i think we...no its just me

and i am tired of running.

hospice

These words explain whats really real
its not actually the pain what you feel
have you ever read your mind
you aint imbecile jus left far behind

grow up ! its time to love urself
shed ur senses and fall for thyself
you gotta find a way to hold on.Right?
look into my eyes . m gonna make u mine.

for next 30 seconds
you gonna enter the thought mode
hey no need to runaway
theres no end to this road...
just wanna tell you the truth
theres no one for you ....
is it me or is it you ....
tell me what i can do ....
this life is amazing aint you?
theres an alley made of glass
walking aimlessly wont help u last..
you have had enough trust in ppl around
jus give urself a moment
and hear ur heart make that sound
try looking over my shoulder
you ll certainly reach higher
u gotta feel no feelings
thats not true no way
no no no not at all
jus break this illegible wall..
now its just the time to be wise
forget all pain and far cries
jus come with me and open ur eyes
i ll help you look beyond all lies
see you r now running outa reasons to cry
lets give jus another try
common you got no choice
jus come with me,
come with me to my hospice...


Hospice : 1. A lodging for travelers.
2. A program of medical and emotional care for the terminally ill.



-----------------------love to be jusMYTH----------------------

let's pretend again

i am standing here all alone
in a moment those days are gone
i ve forgotton the pain i had
listen to me girl ....
dont need you sexually
well, i just love you actually
come on,come lets pretend again.


my breath wont help me rise
your thought makes me realize
this love made me search my soul
why cant you accept that whole
you are the one
not worth my love
just believin wont help
you need to be sane
come on, come lets pretend again.


its just a thought
only a thought
if you are the one i love truely
its got to be a dream simply
there's nothing i got
thats truely mine
all i got is a reason to smile
and you aint anywhere in this game
still if you wanna try
come on, come lets pretend again.


lets decide the terms
all the rules of this game
so when the time comes
i have nothing
but my heart to blame...
though u ll be leaving first
still i gonna stay
i love to make you cry
enjoy watching you in pain

come on , come LET'S PRETEND AGAIN.......


--------------- love to be JUSMYTH------------

this aint no sad one again

this aint no sad one again

no hatred no cries

not another source of pain,

no reasons left to hide it

its all what you know

inside i am still the same

help me decide it

before i could breathe again...

i know when your lips react

reading them is wat i am good at,

i really wanna make things right

the night once again is quite...
for me your sound is so real,

just dont know what to feel.

is it the irony of situation?

maybe for u this aint no emotion...

i dont wanna miss another chance

oh dear suggest some better plans

i got one more chance

to do it right

and its tonight...

just make it quick and real

and i promise and its no big deal

just tell me this is our final game
and this aint gonna happen again....

this one is for all those who envy my vast imagination .... fuck u _I_

----------------JUSMyth--------------------------------

( u ll never know me ... stop wasting your time on me )

A GRATUITOUS CONFESSION

Gratuitous : [gruh-too-i-tuhs, -tyoo-] :
Being without apparent reason, cause, or justification .


Confession: /kənˈfɛʃən/ [kuhn-fesh-uhn] : A formal, usually written, acknowledgment of guilt by a person accused of a crime.

____________________________________________________

Now let me explain you the main reasons why i have given the literal meaning of these two words above...

Its nothing like i wanna help anybody improve their vocab... but the explanation of these 2 words is very much inevitable..

first of all what this confession is about this u can read below ... but who is confessing is very interesting ( atleast to me and could be for you , if you know why this confession was done ).

These are the words of a very very dear friend of mine (since too much affection is shown so it has to be a famale friend :lolz: he he he )....

LET me mention how she confessed to me in her own way ....

One fine Evening i recieved her e-mail which carried this letter of confession as an attachment ..Now before proceeding further let me guess who in this world uses MS word to type in a letter and then use it as an attachment that too when its nothing of formal letter sort of thing ... no problems she is like this only ( i m goona get a real tough time ahead for me if she reads this... waat laga degi yaar woh :-P ) ...

Chalo till now it was ok ... may be she forgot that gmail also provides a space to type in your text message.... but the real problem started when i was completly baffled by her writting style ... ( not to point out but where was her sense of tenses.... sab ulta seedha likhti hai ... zeeks .... meri to lagi samjho ab )


NOw let me Explain why it was a A gratuitous CONFESSION

THis girl knows what kinda person i m and she knows i never get mad on her , that too when i knew she was not in her senses ( at the time when she thought she did something wrong to me ).So the only word that came to my mind when i read her mail for the first time was gratuitous ( i know DEAR u ll be rushing for a dictionary after this he he eh .... dont forget i have mentioned its meaning in the beginning )


THIS IS MY REPLY TO HER ( NOT FOR ANYBODY ELSE )

The only thing i wanna say to u is , DEAR i really loved the way u confessed wat was actually not required , atleast not between u and me .... this is a really sweet gesture from your side but dont forget what i told u before u mailed me this letter ....

And i really didnt mind wateva happened that night .... it was all so natural and i dont blame u for that ... It happens with everybody who faces that situation for the first time .....So dont keep blaming urself for it .. Else u know wat i ll do .....

Attachment:

THIS IS THE ACTUAL LETTER SHE MAILED ME -

------------------------------------------------------------------
I did a sin yesterday I think…ab maine jab kal ki chat padhi hai I realize wat I was doing…. I m very sorry ( dear ).. u knw I was never like this.. the only time I was I discussed tht wid u .
Please try nt loosing ur trust ( if any) on me.
I knw I have done a very bad thing… wat I told will b there forever tht I can’t leave old frds for new… and of course no 1 cn replace a frd in 1’s life…
I wont take much time of urs .
Take care
Bbye
Wen I wrote the msg. I hadn’t read d chat .
So pls don’t mind aur mujhe budhdhu samajh ke maaf kar dena ok.

-------------------------------------------------------------



DISCLAIMER : The display of your letter is not meant to hurt ur feelings DEAR.... i just want to tell that this is the sweetest letter i ever got ( if any ) from a girl .... he he he lolz..... no seriously ... thank you for being the real you when u are with me .... god bless you ...

------------JUSMYTH ( now u know me a little little ) --------------

My Angel awaits your Heavens to Rain

i swear i have seen this before

i am not sure if it was long ago
for me its just a night too slow
i wanna see ur angels cry behind
wanna reach my angel, still benign.

i love when you hit me through
too less to die and still wont loose
i spent an entire death in ur heaven
oh gawd please send me to earth again
my angel awaits your heavens to rain ........

was born a cherub but wanna die human
i am dying to die again
last i saw death was ages ago
stop abducting my breath
kill me in a blow, just one go
i dont wanna take it slow
try once more....

open these doors and lemme go
ur love is killing me oh gawd
wat d fuck!!! please lemme go
bestow me wid ur pain
o paleeeez ,kill me again ..........
my angel awaits your heavens to rain....

days after days night after night
time went away, her sight still bright
if u think u love me more , u must be crazy
u can hit me kill me sway me
but she's the one who still holds me.
i promise to come back again
but right now.............
my angel awaits your heavens to rain.......

wanna make a last wish
just give me a death in no time
flip me kick me drop me from sky
go on and on, better take another try
i wanna go back and see her again
wid the colour of tears and taste of pain
my angel awaits your heavens to rain......

i ll reach u......
wait for me .......

DISCLAIMER- gawd here has nothing to do with GOD ..... its totally imaginary figure .....

--------------i love to be JUSMYTH ( u ll never know me ) ------------------

Words for u ( guest composition ) **

if you love me dear

then i hate you for loving me

and if you hate me

i love you for that

stop staring,

my reflection in your eyes

haunts me now

and yet i can't resist catching your glances

those penetrating ones

the ones no one else seems to notice

and yet i am the one confused

and down, and dark, and doomed

for no good reason you see

people shut up!

your discussions are deafening

i've been longing

to say this to all

all those who think

they care for me: fuck you!

and to you, my dear

if you think you are in love with me

then i'll let you die in my love

and if you think you are not

then please don't go to hell

coz i no more want to see your shadow around.

------- composed by PRABAL CHAKRABORTY---------

( hope i m rite with ur last name this time brother )

Taciturnity

its nothing new
lying awake staring the dark,

but this time i m thinking

just thinking to my self
why do u do it

do it again and again

when u know i ll be hurt

when u know i ll be alone,

the anger within burts again

reasons are all still unknown

i know i m missing something

i m naive & undergrown

then the silence reminds me of u

u are the one who still close to me

why u do such things to me

tell me girl dont u love me ??

speechless? ah that u aint

whats the reason then

why dont i hear from u now

come back !!! i know u missing me too
ur taciturnity kills me girl !!!!

i wanna live .....

---------- JUSMYTH ( u still dont know me ) -------------

that wasn't a LIE ( guest composition ) **

WHY am i here
WHEN she's is there
waitng for some one
some one that's me

she hates me now
but cant get her outa my mind
she no longer wants to talk
she believes i told a lie

I stood up wid her present
that was a mistake i made
but i dont give a damn now
still dont know why
cant get her outa my mind

she played the game
and said good bye
she didn't like me telling her the LIE


oh GOD !! tell her
that wasn't a lie
for her i dont exist anymore
she still thinks i m a mad man !!!


i still wanna lie again .........

i love u ***** !!!!


original creation by

-------saurabh chhabra™-------
( room mate to jasmeet singh )


&

unnecessary fingering wid words done by

-------jusmyth™----------( u still dont know me )**

disclaimer : the author holds all rights of the content , copying is
strictly prohibited

A RECIPE FOR DISASTER ( AND THAT'S ME )

hey girl ,
ya u there...
jusmyth is no game to play
dont go for the rules
u hav already lost me
f**k u !!!!

u've started? now feel the pain
get this done i bet
u ll never remember me again
u dont really wanna trust, do u
f**k you !!!!

i m a real bad devil
better dont take my place
u really dont know me
and i can be no more jusmyth,
Y shud i ??
f**k u !!!!


its hard to tell u
how much u hurt me
every now and then
by the end i loose hope
and loose my self
u make me believe
this is wat i ought to be

" A RECIPE FOR DISASTER "

i love U ***** !!!!

dont play wid me girl
u ll get nothing
will end up self destructed
better stay away , will u ?
plz plz do it for me coz i am jus
" A RECIPE FOR DISASTER "

-----jusmyth™----------( u really dont know me )**


**disclaimer: I already warned u abt proceeding witfully ,_I_,

i love u my angel

You are the angel That lifted me high

Above the grass and seaTo the sky!

You are the angel That lit me afire

Ablaze with passion Endlessly higher!

You are the angel That brought me romance

Spinning my still days Into a dance!

You are the angel My gentle, sweet dove

Keeping my every dayFilled with love

You are my angel

My angel of love

"waiting for u"

-- yours JUSMYTH

WHO is JUSMYTH !!!!

JUSMYTH™ (eng.) / džüŠ-mŸ‡h / n.

An animal so lost in
rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he
indubitably ought to be.